1. Remember, neither the Old nor the New Testament records lightning striking a house just because it had a Christmas tree. But, just in case, ground it. (I would avoid large replicas of beef cattle in gold or fiberglass, though, unless you are living above a Cal's Roast Beef.) If a Christmas tree gives you problems, just hang dreidels on it and think of it as a marketplace of ideas. And since there's usually a star on top anyway, so it has six points? As to the type of tree -- compromise, get a yew. Do try to keep in mind that a Jewish spouse coming home to a wreath on the door is subject to cardiac arrest, and then you'll need two wreaths on the door.

2. A créche is pretty hard to disguise, even if you call it a lawn ornament. But try it -- and put out a couple of deer as well, and maybe a reflecting globe. You might follow the example of some town halls that have avoided legal challenges to their créches by putting a cutout of a Jewish pediatrician in with the baby. (The miracle then becomes the fact that he makes house calls.)

4. As for the holiday music, why not meet each other half way with Barbara Streisand doing "Little Drummer Boy," and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version of "Yentl"? "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" is also a nice choice because Mel Torme could be Jewish. A word to the Jewish spouse: They can't make you go to the "Sing Along Messiah," and since you don't know the words of the tune, a good case can be made for leaving you at home. If you don't go, don't worry if everybody gets all worked up. If they light torches, worry.

5. Relax about going over to your spouses family for your first Christmas. You'll come back. And you'll be a metric wrench set and a pair of sorrel boots richer. Remember, to your non-Jewish spouse, "exchanging presents" does not mean returning them to the store. At least not right away. Christmas cards should be in good taste and two-dimensional. They should never say "One of us wishes you a merry Christmas," but rather, something seasonal such as "Cold enough for you?" If you are celebrating your first Chanukah, don't buy scented candles of light beer by mistake. ("I said, "Festival of Lights," not "Bud Light.") Don't worry if at first the significance of the holiday escapes you; the miracle of the oil lasting eight days in the temple will soon take on meaning as you try to stretch the few dollars left in your account after celebrating both holidays.