Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

Read on for this week's monologue, or check out this year's archive.

Listen in to the monologue from the October 10, 1998 show.

October 10, 1998

You know it's not a good sign if your wife decides to spend your anniversary alone in Bulgaria. Still, leaving Bill home alone has to be a leap of faith. Especially if they shut the government down again and there's another tsunami of interns.

There has to be something short of impeachment and more punishing than censure in all this -- what about lunch with William J. Bennett? He could throw the Book of Virtues at him.

Maybe an appearance on "Forgive or Forget" with Mother Love, where either Ken Starr or a tiger waits behind a door.

Maybe making him wear a sign, "I Lied About Sex." Could become quite a popular accessory this fall.

Whatever else you can say about the President, he never left his post. And if he had to make a phone call, he made it.

And, of course, he did break it off and make it stick.

Republicans make the distinction that this is not a lynch mob, this is the House of Representatives. It's indoors.

Still, the judiciary committee was chaired one day by Congressman Jekyll and the next by Congressman Hyde.

Henry Hyde has done from pushing the door closed on an irate husband to working the other side of the door.

Gerald Ford has offered to pardon Mr. Clinton. Had to be reminded he's no longer president, and, in fact, never really was.

Now what? Congress gets you all worked up and then nothing happens -- they're no better than Bill Clinton.

The open-ended expanded investigation is rumored to be looking at Bill Clinton's activities at Boy's Nation -- in the photograph with JFK a little girl with big hair from the trailer park down the road is clearly visible.

There is also the matter of some street signs removed from Hope, Arkansas, found in Bill's dorm room. A felony, you know.

It's pretty scary to think that if President Reagan had had his pants down while Ollie North was running a secret war, he could've been impeached, too.

The President -- taking the vote like a man -- said, "It's not in my hands." But he's used that defense before.

He told Democrats to vote their conscience, resulting in a record 176 calls to the Library of Congress for a definition.

You knew the bottom was falling out when you saw Hillary in the Cubs cap.

That's all the News that Isn't.....

© 1998 Michael Feldman