Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

Listen in to the monologue from the June 6, 1998 show.

June 6, 1998

Researchers say Creatine, the health supplement used by many athletes, causes muscle cramps, side aches, and crying, making it the first complete replacement for competitive sports.

The CIA says it missed the Indian nuclear blasts because they were sick that day and want to know if they can make it up.

Monica dumps Ginsberg after buying him a tie; anybody see a pattern there? Its going to be hard to go back to medical malpractice after making such a splash in legal malpractice.

Protesting the upcoming Presidential trip to China, Republicans suggest that if Mr. Clinton visits Tianamen Square he should lie down in front of his limo in solidarity.

Scientists discover neutrinos to be Italian neutrons.

Geneticists find that flies live longer when their genes are splice with human genes, but they start complaining about all kinds of shit.

Margaret Thatcher has been tapped to replace Ginger Spice; she will be known as Scowl Spice.

As you know, Ginger Spice ran off with Laa Laa Teletubbie.

And Attorney General Janet Reno decrees that suicide laws are local: another thing to pester your alderman about. Tuesdays: brush pickup, Thursdays: garbage, Friday: leave Grandpa Jake on the curb with the proper sticker affixed . . .

And that's All the News That Isn't . . .