Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

Listen in to the monologue from the May 30, 1998 show.

May 30, 1998

They've finally decided on the design for a stamp to honor the sixties; that's right, it's blank.

In the news: Janet Reno to do Windows.

The government suing Microsoft is really the resentment of one overly elaborate born-obsolete balky operating system for another.

Someday someone will invent a communication device that sits idle until needed, requires no typing, software or knowledge of computer code, and is so simple a seven year old can use it endlessly. And I predict they will call it our telephone.

Bill Gates, trying to change his image, is giving kids a shiny new dime. Ever try to give a kid a dime lately? You're lucky if you don't lose an eye when they fling it.

On the Viagra front, it's Catch-72 as it's discovered that the drug increases mechanical ability, but not necessarily desire, particularly on the part of the spouse who thought she was out of the woods on this one. But, at least you won't have to carry a cane.

Warnings are going out not to mix Viagra with nitroglycerin tablets. Apparently five older gentlemen in Pakistan did, and the result has changed the balance of power on the sub-continent.

Republicans accuse Bill Clinton of being the Manchurian candidate, a brainwashed zombie carrying out Chinese policy. Actually, they've got the wrong guy--whatever you do, don't play Hearts with Al Gore.

They should let the Chinese have the satellites, just don't give them the technology behind Tickle-Me Elmos. They're already killing us in the toy business.

Nike says it will raise the minimum age to work in its factories in Indonesia. What's an eight-year-old kid going to do with 50 cents a day, anyway?

In Washington, Marion Barry says he will not run again for mayor, but will accept the ambassadorship to Columbia.

While, in California, Jerry Brown piles up a lead in the race for mayor in Oakland, which many regard as a stepping stone to alderman in Los Gatos.

And Ken Starr takes Monica Lewinsky's fingerprints and has asked permission to dust the President---that's All the News that Isn't.

And that's All the News That Isn't . . .