Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

Listen in to the monologue from the May 9, 1998 show.

May 9, 1998

In the News. . .

Bob Dole says Viagra's a great drug, but Liddy's had to hide the sugar bowl to keep him from borrowing anymore next door at the Lewinsky's.

Bill Clinton claims he is not Nixon--and it's true there was no breaking and entering.

Let's see not "not a crook" would be . . . ?

Thanks to the Global Economy you will soon be able to pay for a Mercedes and get a Chrysler.

Just have to bend a couple of prongs off the hood ornament on your Cirrus and--voila!--a Mercedes-Bent.

Actually the Germans tried to buy Honda first, but there was some market resistance to Axis Motors.

In Washington, Congress continues to name every major public building after Ronald Reagan in the hope that it will jog his memory.

A federal court rejects President Clinton's claim of executive privilege as "overly broad." Executive privilege is now down to kicking the ball out of the rough to a better lie while Vernon pretends to look the other way.

And if there's a better lie to be found, Bill Clinton will find it.

Hillary Clinton says she's in favor of a Palestinian state and, as a matter of fact, she and Bill have invested in a few acres of recreational land in Gaza.

The Federal Aviation Administration has decided to run the electrical wires around the gas tanks of 737's even though it's shorter to go through.

Bill Gates spends 30 million for a seascape when he could have paid $49 for an art appreciation course at the technical college and saved $29,999,951.

Web Hubbell's tape (Dan Burton mix) enters the Billboard charts at number 13 with a bullet.

And Newt's distemper shot wears off. . .

And that's All the News That Isn't . . .