Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

Listen in to the monologue from the May 2, 1998 show.

May 2, 1998

Poor Web Hubbell--he's like a turtle crossing the Interstate: he thought he made it across but it was only the meridian.

I didn't know they could indict your wife, too--maybe I'll do something.

Also having no immunity: Monica Lewinsky discovers she was wearing the Emperor's Little Black Dress.

NATO decides to let everyone with five dollars and an ID join. Great idea--if everyone's in NATO, who're they going to fight? SEATO? Maybe they could fight the UN in intramurals.

The Warsaw Pact in an Internet Service Provider now.

In a change of tactics, the Administration has decided to let the IRS seize Iraq. Might as well go with the firepower.

Brazil decides to set aside vast tracts of land in the Amazon for exploitation when this rain forest deal blows over.

Here at home, 282,000 pounds of ground beef recalled were discovered to have been already eaten. This could get a little tricky.

President Clinton says the Starr inquiry could go on for another 50 years, or until both could be played by Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon.

Jerry Springer says he will cut out the fights and the babes shaking their hoo-hahs at the camera. If he's not careful he may end up mayor of Cincinnatti again.

Better snap up those videos--that's all the news that isn't.