Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

Listen in to the monologue from the February 21, 1998 show.

February 21, 1998

As a result of the town meeting in Ohio, the Administration has decided to take out the research facilities at Ohio State. Goodbye, Columbus.

You put Madeline Albright and Secretary Cohen--who look like a principal and vice-principal--in front of a group of students, who's not going to want to throw spitballs?

If Sadaam was heartened by that little exercise in democracy, let him come to a school board meeting.

In WillyGate developments, the I've-Got-A-Secret Service will be called before the grand jury. One ex-agent has already testified, but what he saw was ambiguous--she could have been tying his shoe. You know, that knee is still acting up on him.

The Administration is making the argument that if the President cannot rely on the Secret Service he may be forced to go back to Arkansas State Troopers.

He already has a fairly broad interpretation of executive privilege.

They are down to the dregs now with the Grand Jury, calling an aide whose job was strictly menial: carrying the President's briefcase, his water glass, his pants. . .

Monica Lewinsky may testify with limited immunity -- from the waist up.

If the independent counsel broadens his inquiry any further he'll have to explain the big bang theory. That's when the first Kenneth Starr was created.

And, in the Middle East, the search continues for the Gulf Coalition. The coalition done co-a-left. Co-a-later! From Operation Desert Shield to Operation Desert Storm to Operation Just Plain Deserted.

Ex-President Bush is still in favor of going in, but he just wants Iraq for Jeb.

Could be just us and Britain: Bill and Tony's Excellent Adventure.

That's all the news that isn't. . .