Michael Feldman's--All The News That Isn't

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Listen in to the monologue from the October 21, 2000 show.

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October 21, 2000

Scientists in Pennsylvania have succeeded in reviving bacteria some 250 million years old which flourished before the Lysolzoic period.

An Iowa cow named Bessie will give birth to a cloned endangered humpbacked Gaur in two weeks -- and I'd like to be in the barn when she explains. Hopefully, Al Gaur was not involved.

The debates are mercifully over, leaving Americans a clear choice but not a good one. The images remain -- George II raising his hand at the end of the last debate like he was pledging Deke all over again, and, of course, Al "You ain't seen nothing yet" Gore -- you're right Al, and that's the problem.

Gore has said he might allow a web cam in the Oval Office -- one administration too late. Well, why not, he invented the web cam. George II says when elected, he will continue the 1,000 points of light where pop left off -- 368.

Bush is so convinced he will be elected he's had to cut his death penalty reviews from 15 minutes to 10 to get through the backlog.

Gore, on the other hand, was seen at a Buddhist temple, this time, signing up. It's not clear if the vow of silence includes chortles and sighs.

Hot on the heels of the Million Man, Million Mother and Million Family marches, organizers have announced a Million Singles march on Washington.

Wal-Mart, accused of predatory pricing, announces "Everyday Unfair Low Prices," promising to match unfair low prices anywhere.

Tech stocks take such a beating they're posting the numbers manually.

And Wisconsin's Governor Tommy Thompson (not realizing that he's not Catholic) is reportedly angling to be ambassador to the Vatican in a Bush Jr. administration. With reports of the Pope's retirement, Tommy could shoot right to the top.

That's all the news that isn't.

© 2000 Michael Feldman