Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

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Listen in to the monologue from the February 12, 2000 show.

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February 12, 2000

Scientists in Geneva recreated what is thought to be the earliest matter in the universe, and, within seconds, fruit flies were hovering over it.

The FBI, seeking to end hacker attacks against major web sites, have issued warrants for every fifteen year old boy. The hope is to put "denial of service" back where it belongs -- in the hands of the service providers.

In the latest attack, hackers put Buy.com up on Ebay and kept Amazon down so long it turned a profit. They modified Yahoo so much it's now a strip search engine.

Steve Forbes drops out of the race with a 66 million dollar smaller capitalist tool.

Jesse Ventura leaves the Reform Party for the Orthodox Party. Hey, it worked for Goldberg.

An anonymous buyer offers $100,000 for eggs from a woman with college athletic experience -- obviously looking for a free-range donor.

Congress passes a measure recognizing the phrase "marriage penalty" to be redundant.

In Wisconsin, Governor Tommy Thompson relents on the "Defense of Marriage" act and takes Sue Ann out to dinner. This bill provides a state marriage preserver next to the gene pool where the sign now reads "no marriage guard -- marry at your own risk."

And the University of Wisconsin goes into the stem cell business, marketing human cells which can be used to grow entire organs -- which, being Wisconsin stock -- will be large-boned, full figured and plus sizes.

That's all the news that isn't . . .

© 2000 Michael Feldman