Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

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Listen in to the monologue from the October 30, 1999 show.

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October 30, 1999

I don't know about these model's eggs -- for $42,000 they should let you gather them.

'Course they could be free-range models, laying their eggs in the woods where they're hard to find.

Get yourself a model egg, some Nobel sperm and see which is recessive. Could end up with the Cindy Crawford Unified Field Theory Makeover.

George II misses another debate in New Hampshire -- too high. Must have been some good stuff back there in '75.

The 5 other GOP candidates gathered in New Hampshire and a Rotary meeting was declared. That's a minion in the Rotary.

Al and Bill met in New Hampshire and no reasonable observer could doubt that Bill was the taller.

In Missouri, having produced a picture of the young Governor Mel Carnahan in blackface, Republicans say they now have one of him in a Groucho nose and glasses; the B'nai B'rith is incensed.

Jerry Falwell rethinks his position on homosexuality -- now she says he's behind them a hundred percent. First it was "hate the man, hate the sin," then it was "love the man, hate the sin," now it's "love the man, love that sin!"

Falwell has invited Pat Robertson to join him in his outreach to his new flock.

In NYC, the court of appeals says the Klan may march but only on Halloween.

The Peasant Army draws and quarters Pat Buchanan; sister in hiding.

Suffering from electoral dysfunction, Liddy is back, but she still won't tell Bob where she hid the Viagra.

That's all the news that isn't....

Were you cryogenically frozen during 1998? Well, don't fret, you can have a comic look at the year that was in Michael Feldman's 1998 Was A Joke....All The News That Wasn't,a collection of Michael's observations on all the news of 1998.

© 1999 Michael Feldman