Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

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Listen in to the monologue from the October 16, 1999 show.

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October 16, 1999

Emboldened by their defeat of the Test Ban Treaty, Senate Republicans vote down the Magna Carta, Bill of Rights and penicillin.

Did come out in favor of a nuclear proliferation treaty, though. Well, most of them are pro-liffers.

They say its not verifiable, but neither is marriage and we do that.

Claiming the defeat was not the product of his lame-duck status, President Clinton quacked and waddled his way through a Rose Garden press conference before tucking his beak under his wing for the evening.

After a series of policy defeats, Clinton proposes wider protection for U.S. forests. "O.K., boys, clear-cut 'em!" Of course, this comes from a man who's tied to tree, with Trent Lott doing a woo-woo dance around him.

Al Gore receives labor backing -- hopefully they'll remember him when he needs work.

Pat Buchanan plans to leave the GOP, set fire to the Reichstag.

Kansas rewrites its science curriculum, deleting "evolved from" and substituting "may have been shirt-tail relatives on your mother's side."

Analysis shows a satellite intentionally crashed into a lifeless desert-like moon did not kick up a spray of water -- only scientists surprised.

And researchers discover that the brain continues to add new cells in men my age so there's absolutely no excuse for feeling the way I do.

That's all the news that isn't . . .

Were you cryogenically frozen during 1998? Well, don't fret, you can have a comic look at the year that was in Michael Feldman's 1998 Was A Joke....All The News That Wasn't,a collection of Michael's observations on all the news of 1998.

© 1999 Michael Feldman