Michael Feldman's -- All The News That Isn't

Read on for this week's monologue, or check out this year's archive.

Check out the show rundown to listen to this week's monologue.

What Have We Learned?
by Michael Feldman
February 13, 1999

We never quite new what to call it -- Monicagate? Is-is-gate?--and now it's all over. Don't you worry, though, God provides for comedians and barroom pundits -- he gave us OJ, he gave us Michael Jackson -- things come up. But, perhaps never again will jokes write themselves, and surely never again will the words "oral sex" fall from Cokie Robert's lips, although a guy can dream. Light up a Lucky, it's legacy time (what, having a sexual disorder named for you isn't enough? You or I should be so lucky.) All that remains is to ask "what have we learned?"

We've learned:

1. Their prey entrapped, Republicans will chew off their own legs.
2. Put it in a bag and put it away with your other treasures.
3. Lindsay Graham. Opie would bite his leg.
4. Two-thirds of 100 is not 55.
5. We can be grateful the Chief Justice didn't see the Mikado.
6. Cicero was not the Henry Hyde of his day.
7. Monica held up her end.
8. Pepperdine must be nice this time of year.
9. Depends what you mean by sex. But we knew that.
10. Asa should get his own place.