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Michael Feldman's--All The News That Isn't
Read on for this week's monologue, or check out this year's archive of Michael's monologues.
Listen in to the 
monologue from the Saturday February 6, 2010 show.
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The Saints, dats who.Finally, the bags come off.
The president of Toyota commits hari-cari.
Mr. Toyoda took it so personally his own pedals are sticking. Rumors have him hosting Iron Chef next.
Toyota must now fix LaHood. Also have a problem with Prius brakes unable to slow the vehicle down from 23 mph.
Health care on life support, death squad to pull plug. The president has said he’d put us all on his Blue Cross/Blue Shield.
President Obama submits his budget in disappearing ink. That’s how budgets work.
Mr. Obama said we would send a man to the moon by 1970. Wants to privatize space flight, so we’ll have the Weedwacker Mars Lander and the 1,001 Flushes Uranus Fly-By.
The Chinese will have the moon all to themselves and install their own Dalai Lunar. That will be the Mao in the Moon.
John Edwards.
Conservative pranksters tap phones in Senator’s office or Plumber and Dumber.
Sarah Palin turns Tea Party into “P” Party. Not so much the second American Revolution as a remake of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”
Palin says she will not run for the presidency but would consider seizing the office.
The first national Tea Party convention nominates the Mad Hatter. Needless to say there’s a lot of backroom tea bagging going on; everyone was hoping Scotty Brown would jump in. Mr. T was the tea-note speaker.
In other news, it is now Senator Cosmo Boy. The Senate needed very little time to verify Mr. Brown’s credentials were in order.
Beating the iPad to market, the Chinese come out with the iNewFreedom—with wings. For the way you live today.
Apple: iTunes, iApps, iBooks-----now just iFlesh and iBlood and they win.
Scientists discover Neanderthal teeth in very old glass on nightstand in Poland.
In San Diego, it’s the Invasion of the Cephalopods, or The Real Giant Squids of Orange County.
New week-after pill, for those slow on the regret uptake.
Osama bin Laden releases An Inconvenient Truth in Arabic. So this was all about the environment.
CBS did not run a Super Bowl ad for a gay couples match service, a slap in the behind for tight ends everywhere. Did run the Tim Tebow right to life after the Heisman spot.
Gays to get their own military—a panzer division.
Michelle Obama says she has many of the same complaints about Barrack—a certain smugness, inability to commit, saying “Listen” before everything.
France bars citizenship for a man who makes his wife wear a veil without even bothering to see what she looks like under there.
Study finds that kids don’t follow their parents’ tweets—it’s like tweeting to the wall.
Concorde trial begins; still taking depositions in the Graf Zeppelin incident.
Study finds abstinence actually increases activity for teens who didn’t know they had a choice.
Howard Stern will replace Simon Cowell on American Idol—will butt bongo the Final 10.
Here in Wisconsin, high speed rail and nowhere to go, fast.
And the Wisconsin woman who glued her boyfriend’s penis to (the underside of) his stomach ordered to stay away from men and craft stores for 36 months . . . .
© 2010 Michael Feldman
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